Oh my! What you're missing!

Dear Rylan,
     Last night you slept over here, and we spent today pursuing whatever we wanted to pursue.  In this case, it was a pursuit of fun in Orr Park--wading in the creek, eating a picnic lunch, romping on the playground, finding the carvings on the trees.
     For a moment last night, I lapsed into that funk that sneaks up on me from time to time.  I mumbled, "Oh, Duncan.  I miss you so much."  As soon as I said it, I thought, "No, Duncan.  Look what you're missing.  Your precious granddaughter is growing and learning every day.  She is pure and sweet and kind.  There is so much to experience for the first time all over again through her eyes.  You would have loved every chance you had to spend with her, and here you're missing it."
     Of course, he isn't missing all of this by choice.  He didn't mean to leave us so soon.  Today, when you said that Aunt Dot was in Heaven, you went on to reassure me it was OK because we would see her again,   You later added, "But when we get to Heaven, we can never come back to Earth again.  I don't want to leave Earth forever."  I suspect that your Papa Duncan had the same feelings--reassured that he would see us again, but not wanting to leave us.
     I don't know how death works.  I told you that discussing theology with you was giving me a headache, but only because I am so limited in what I can understand.  I suspect that you understand more than I do.  Here is what I do understand:  You make living fun, and I love you for making my grown-up days once again childlike.

Love,
Mumma

Dear Rylan:

I went on the road again, this time visiting London for eight wonderful days.  I kept thinking of how brilliant it was to be seeing in person what I had only read and taught about for years, and I also kept thinking that I really want you to see London someday.  At Kensington Palace, I visited the "Seven Princesses" exhibit and left a note for you there!

Coming back home is always surreal.  It does not have the same allure it had when your Papa was alive.  Back then, the best thing about going on a trip was knowing that I would always wind up right back here in Pea Ridge with Duncan.  I think it is the realization that "home" is different since he left that keeps me going away.  Now when I am in far-away places, I am perfectly content to be away from home.

Of course, I cannot say that I am sorry to return to Alabama.  My sons, my friends, and you are here.  But not even my love for all of you can keep my soul from turning restless again.

My friend Robine has graciously given me a Trek bicycle, and maybe short adventures around here can keep me still for a while.  There is plenty to see right here near home.  I can't wait to show you what is right around the corner.  Exploring old places with my princess may be exactly what I need to keep my wanderlust at bay.

The world is a wonderful place, filled with exciting places like London as well as quiet venues close to home.  I hope that you have a life filled with wonderful discoveries.  Every day is a gift, and experiencing new places and meeting new faces is like finding out what is inside that gift.

Love,
Mumma

Dear Rylan:
I am in London, where royalty resides. Yesterday I visited Kensington where the queen lives. I learned about 7 princesses and I cannot wait to share their stories with you. I left a note for you at the palace in case you ever visit. Maybe you will find it and remember your Mumma.
I have walked many kilometers and seen many brilliant sites! I will share all with you when I return.
I think of you each day and dream of a day when you will visit far-away places and share your stories with me.

Love
Mumma

Routine. . . or Rut?

Dear Rylan:

Spring is returning. Just this week, you and I traveled with Uncle Caleb and Erin to the zoo on a very pleasant March afternoon.  Today the world is sunny and hot.  Not hot like the Philippines, but hot enough. It seems a bit of a shock after all the cold weather we have endured.

Currently, I am working as a pharmacy technician at Walgreens. I have always wanted to try this occupation, and since I cannot find work as a teacher right now, I have been blessed with the chance to learn something new. It is important to try new things. Of course, there is something to be said for routine and stability.  I enjoyed both for many years. But now that I am alone, I am taking advantage of trying new things and going new places.

I still keep in touch with my friends in the Peace Corps and my host family in Mabayuan. Arielle is graduating from high school this month.  I wish I could attend her graduation.  Perhaps one day I will see her and the family again.

The Philippines is always on my mind.  Funny how only a few weeks there could have made me love it so much.  Somedays I wish I had toughed it out, but then I think of all I would have missed here at home if I had not returned when I did.  I am glad, for instance, that I had the chance to see my friend Rose.  She and I always had so much fun together.  No one could have known that she would become ill and pass away.  I am glad I had time with her before her death.

I am also glad that I have been able to enjoy my family.  Being with all of you gives me joy.

My life is resuming a routine again.  I will work hard to avoid falling into a rut by taking advantage of new opportunities, meeting new people, and counting my blessings.

Life can change in a moment. Just when you think that your life is going as planned, something horrible or something wonderful can come along and change everything.  Not knowing how this day will go, but being as prepared as possible to handle its surprises, gives me a reason to get out of bed each day.

Thank you for being such a wonderful granddaughter.  I want you to know that you are the smartest, sweetest, most beautiful little girl ever!

Hugs and kisses,
Mumma