Oh my! What you're missing!

Dear Rylan,
     Last night you slept over here, and we spent today pursuing whatever we wanted to pursue.  In this case, it was a pursuit of fun in Orr Park--wading in the creek, eating a picnic lunch, romping on the playground, finding the carvings on the trees.
     For a moment last night, I lapsed into that funk that sneaks up on me from time to time.  I mumbled, "Oh, Duncan.  I miss you so much."  As soon as I said it, I thought, "No, Duncan.  Look what you're missing.  Your precious granddaughter is growing and learning every day.  She is pure and sweet and kind.  There is so much to experience for the first time all over again through her eyes.  You would have loved every chance you had to spend with her, and here you're missing it."
     Of course, he isn't missing all of this by choice.  He didn't mean to leave us so soon.  Today, when you said that Aunt Dot was in Heaven, you went on to reassure me it was OK because we would see her again,   You later added, "But when we get to Heaven, we can never come back to Earth again.  I don't want to leave Earth forever."  I suspect that your Papa Duncan had the same feelings--reassured that he would see us again, but not wanting to leave us.
     I don't know how death works.  I told you that discussing theology with you was giving me a headache, but only because I am so limited in what I can understand.  I suspect that you understand more than I do.  Here is what I do understand:  You make living fun, and I love you for making my grown-up days once again childlike.

Love,
Mumma

Dear Rylan:

I went on the road again, this time visiting London for eight wonderful days.  I kept thinking of how brilliant it was to be seeing in person what I had only read and taught about for years, and I also kept thinking that I really want you to see London someday.  At Kensington Palace, I visited the "Seven Princesses" exhibit and left a note for you there!

Coming back home is always surreal.  It does not have the same allure it had when your Papa was alive.  Back then, the best thing about going on a trip was knowing that I would always wind up right back here in Pea Ridge with Duncan.  I think it is the realization that "home" is different since he left that keeps me going away.  Now when I am in far-away places, I am perfectly content to be away from home.

Of course, I cannot say that I am sorry to return to Alabama.  My sons, my friends, and you are here.  But not even my love for all of you can keep my soul from turning restless again.

My friend Robine has graciously given me a Trek bicycle, and maybe short adventures around here can keep me still for a while.  There is plenty to see right here near home.  I can't wait to show you what is right around the corner.  Exploring old places with my princess may be exactly what I need to keep my wanderlust at bay.

The world is a wonderful place, filled with exciting places like London as well as quiet venues close to home.  I hope that you have a life filled with wonderful discoveries.  Every day is a gift, and experiencing new places and meeting new faces is like finding out what is inside that gift.

Love,
Mumma