Dear Rylan,
Last night you slept over here, and we spent today pursuing whatever we wanted to pursue. In this case, it was a pursuit of fun in Orr Park--wading in the creek, eating a picnic lunch, romping on the playground, finding the carvings on the trees.
For a moment last night, I lapsed into that funk that sneaks up on me from time to time. I mumbled, "Oh, Duncan. I miss you so much." As soon as I said it, I thought, "No, Duncan. Look what you're missing. Your precious granddaughter is growing and learning every day. She is pure and sweet and kind. There is so much to experience for the first time all over again through her eyes. You would have loved every chance you had to spend with her, and here you're missing it."
Of course, he isn't missing all of this by choice. He didn't mean to leave us so soon. Today, when you said that Aunt Dot was in Heaven, you went on to reassure me it was OK because we would see her again, You later added, "But when we get to Heaven, we can never come back to Earth again. I don't want to leave Earth forever." I suspect that your Papa Duncan had the same feelings--reassured that he would see us again, but not wanting to leave us.
I don't know how death works. I told you that discussing theology with you was giving me a headache, but only because I am so limited in what I can understand. I suspect that you understand more than I do. Here is what I do understand: You make living fun, and I love you for making my grown-up days once again childlike.
Love,
Mumma
Tower Bridge
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Dear Rylan:
I went on the road again, this time visiting London for eight wonderful days. I kept thinking of how brilliant it was to be seeing in person what I had only read and taught about for years, and I also kept thinking that I really want you to see London someday. At Kensington Palace, I visited the "Seven Princesses" exhibit and left a note for you there!
Coming back home is always surreal. It does not have the same allure it had when your Papa was alive. Back then, the best thing about going on a trip was knowing that I would always wind up right back here in Pea Ridge with Duncan. I think it is the realization that "home" is different since he left that keeps me going away. Now when I am in far-away places, I am perfectly content to be away from home.
Of course, I cannot say that I am sorry to return to Alabama. My sons, my friends, and you are here. But not even my love for all of you can keep my soul from turning restless again.
My friend Robine has graciously given me a Trek bicycle, and maybe short adventures around here can keep me still for a while. There is plenty to see right here near home. I can't wait to show you what is right around the corner. Exploring old places with my princess may be exactly what I need to keep my wanderlust at bay.
The world is a wonderful place, filled with exciting places like London as well as quiet venues close to home. I hope that you have a life filled with wonderful discoveries. Every day is a gift, and experiencing new places and meeting new faces is like finding out what is inside that gift.
Love,
Mumma
I went on the road again, this time visiting London for eight wonderful days. I kept thinking of how brilliant it was to be seeing in person what I had only read and taught about for years, and I also kept thinking that I really want you to see London someday. At Kensington Palace, I visited the "Seven Princesses" exhibit and left a note for you there!
Coming back home is always surreal. It does not have the same allure it had when your Papa was alive. Back then, the best thing about going on a trip was knowing that I would always wind up right back here in Pea Ridge with Duncan. I think it is the realization that "home" is different since he left that keeps me going away. Now when I am in far-away places, I am perfectly content to be away from home.
Of course, I cannot say that I am sorry to return to Alabama. My sons, my friends, and you are here. But not even my love for all of you can keep my soul from turning restless again.
My friend Robine has graciously given me a Trek bicycle, and maybe short adventures around here can keep me still for a while. There is plenty to see right here near home. I can't wait to show you what is right around the corner. Exploring old places with my princess may be exactly what I need to keep my wanderlust at bay.
The world is a wonderful place, filled with exciting places like London as well as quiet venues close to home. I hope that you have a life filled with wonderful discoveries. Every day is a gift, and experiencing new places and meeting new faces is like finding out what is inside that gift.
Love,
Mumma
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Dear Rylan:
I am in London, where royalty resides. Yesterday I visited Kensington where the queen lives. I learned about 7 princesses and I cannot wait to share their stories with you. I left a note for you at the palace in case you ever visit. Maybe you will find it and remember your Mumma.
I have walked many kilometers and seen many brilliant sites! I will share all with you when I return.
I think of you each day and dream of a day when you will visit far-away places and share your stories with me.
Love
Mumma
I am in London, where royalty resides. Yesterday I visited Kensington where the queen lives. I learned about 7 princesses and I cannot wait to share their stories with you. I left a note for you at the palace in case you ever visit. Maybe you will find it and remember your Mumma.
I have walked many kilometers and seen many brilliant sites! I will share all with you when I return.
I think of you each day and dream of a day when you will visit far-away places and share your stories with me.
Love
Mumma
Friday, March 18, 2011
Routine. . . or Rut?
Dear Rylan:
Spring is returning. Just this week, you and I traveled with Uncle Caleb and Erin to the zoo on a very pleasant March afternoon. Today the world is sunny and hot. Not hot like the Philippines, but hot enough. It seems a bit of a shock after all the cold weather we have endured.
Currently, I am working as a pharmacy technician at Walgreens. I have always wanted to try this occupation, and since I cannot find work as a teacher right now, I have been blessed with the chance to learn something new. It is important to try new things. Of course, there is something to be said for routine and stability. I enjoyed both for many years. But now that I am alone, I am taking advantage of trying new things and going new places.
I still keep in touch with my friends in the Peace Corps and my host family in Mabayuan. Arielle is graduating from high school this month. I wish I could attend her graduation. Perhaps one day I will see her and the family again.
The Philippines is always on my mind. Funny how only a few weeks there could have made me love it so much. Somedays I wish I had toughed it out, but then I think of all I would have missed here at home if I had not returned when I did. I am glad, for instance, that I had the chance to see my friend Rose. She and I always had so much fun together. No one could have known that she would become ill and pass away. I am glad I had time with her before her death.
I am also glad that I have been able to enjoy my family. Being with all of you gives me joy.
My life is resuming a routine again. I will work hard to avoid falling into a rut by taking advantage of new opportunities, meeting new people, and counting my blessings.
Life can change in a moment. Just when you think that your life is going as planned, something horrible or something wonderful can come along and change everything. Not knowing how this day will go, but being as prepared as possible to handle its surprises, gives me a reason to get out of bed each day.
Thank you for being such a wonderful granddaughter. I want you to know that you are the smartest, sweetest, most beautiful little girl ever!
Hugs and kisses,
Mumma
Spring is returning. Just this week, you and I traveled with Uncle Caleb and Erin to the zoo on a very pleasant March afternoon. Today the world is sunny and hot. Not hot like the Philippines, but hot enough. It seems a bit of a shock after all the cold weather we have endured.
Currently, I am working as a pharmacy technician at Walgreens. I have always wanted to try this occupation, and since I cannot find work as a teacher right now, I have been blessed with the chance to learn something new. It is important to try new things. Of course, there is something to be said for routine and stability. I enjoyed both for many years. But now that I am alone, I am taking advantage of trying new things and going new places.
I still keep in touch with my friends in the Peace Corps and my host family in Mabayuan. Arielle is graduating from high school this month. I wish I could attend her graduation. Perhaps one day I will see her and the family again.
The Philippines is always on my mind. Funny how only a few weeks there could have made me love it so much. Somedays I wish I had toughed it out, but then I think of all I would have missed here at home if I had not returned when I did. I am glad, for instance, that I had the chance to see my friend Rose. She and I always had so much fun together. No one could have known that she would become ill and pass away. I am glad I had time with her before her death.
I am also glad that I have been able to enjoy my family. Being with all of you gives me joy.
My life is resuming a routine again. I will work hard to avoid falling into a rut by taking advantage of new opportunities, meeting new people, and counting my blessings.
Life can change in a moment. Just when you think that your life is going as planned, something horrible or something wonderful can come along and change everything. Not knowing how this day will go, but being as prepared as possible to handle its surprises, gives me a reason to get out of bed each day.
Thank you for being such a wonderful granddaughter. I want you to know that you are the smartest, sweetest, most beautiful little girl ever!
Hugs and kisses,
Mumma
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Home is where...
Dear Rylan:
Being home is not what I expected. I expected to be more excited about returning to the land of washing machines and dryers, real-beef hamburgers, and dish TV. Only 63 days abroad was able to reshape my thinking: things don't matter. Keep it simple. Do with less. So I find myself reluctant to gather up my stuff and become comfortable in this country where comfort is so common that it is not even considered a blessing anymore.
One thing does make me feel joyous about returning home: loved ones. How welcoming everyone has been! They are so much more excited to have me home than I am to be here because they are THRILLED to have me home. Their joy takes away some of the sting I feel at my abrupt return. The love and kindness of everyone has been palpable, like the sweet taste of the lanzones that were so abundant in the Philippines. Firm and juicy and sweet and warm. Delicious--the fruit there and the spirit of love here.
However, I left people there whom I had grown to love, and who loved me back, even though we had known each other such a short time: My fellow trainees, with whom I endured the ridiculous rules of Peace Corps, with whom I slogged through the drudgery of PC training, and with whom I laughed about the sublime and ridiculous situations in which we found ourselves in that foreign culture; my host family, with whom I shared many a meal, with whom I laughed about the differences between my culture and theirs, and from whom I learned more in a few weeks than I have learned in a long time back home; and the wonderful Filipinos who served as trainers and ambassadors for us trainees--the people who allowed us to ask dumb questions and muck up their language with our errors, and who were interested in how we Americans live and think in relation to their culture.
So here's what I am thinking about life right now: Stuff doesn't matter much. People matter. After air to breathe, food to eat, and water to drink, people are the most important element of our existence. Interactions--both good and bad--are what fill up a day with purpose and feeling.
So, Rylan, relish your relationships. Enrich your life with friends. Cherish your family. Gather up each day's memories and press them between the pages of your mind. Memories will sustain you in those times when you are far away from the ones you love.
Love you bunches,
Mumma
Being home is not what I expected. I expected to be more excited about returning to the land of washing machines and dryers, real-beef hamburgers, and dish TV. Only 63 days abroad was able to reshape my thinking: things don't matter. Keep it simple. Do with less. So I find myself reluctant to gather up my stuff and become comfortable in this country where comfort is so common that it is not even considered a blessing anymore.
One thing does make me feel joyous about returning home: loved ones. How welcoming everyone has been! They are so much more excited to have me home than I am to be here because they are THRILLED to have me home. Their joy takes away some of the sting I feel at my abrupt return. The love and kindness of everyone has been palpable, like the sweet taste of the lanzones that were so abundant in the Philippines. Firm and juicy and sweet and warm. Delicious--the fruit there and the spirit of love here.
However, I left people there whom I had grown to love, and who loved me back, even though we had known each other such a short time: My fellow trainees, with whom I endured the ridiculous rules of Peace Corps, with whom I slogged through the drudgery of PC training, and with whom I laughed about the sublime and ridiculous situations in which we found ourselves in that foreign culture; my host family, with whom I shared many a meal, with whom I laughed about the differences between my culture and theirs, and from whom I learned more in a few weeks than I have learned in a long time back home; and the wonderful Filipinos who served as trainers and ambassadors for us trainees--the people who allowed us to ask dumb questions and muck up their language with our errors, and who were interested in how we Americans live and think in relation to their culture.
So here's what I am thinking about life right now: Stuff doesn't matter much. People matter. After air to breathe, food to eat, and water to drink, people are the most important element of our existence. Interactions--both good and bad--are what fill up a day with purpose and feeling.
So, Rylan, relish your relationships. Enrich your life with friends. Cherish your family. Gather up each day's memories and press them between the pages of your mind. Memories will sustain you in those times when you are far away from the ones you love.
Love you bunches,
Mumma
Friday, October 22, 2010
Homecoming and Hibernation
Dear Rylan:
Traveling from Asia to America is a hassle. My trip involved 20 hours of flight time and 3 planes. I do not know how many security checks occurred: I just lost count somewhere along the way. I do know that every airport involved at least 3 screenings. I think the tactic is to wear the terrorists down so they don't even care anymore about carrying out an attack.
When I was flying out of Narita, we rose above the clouds just enough to see the end of a magnificent sunset. And I realized then that the sunset I was seeing was actually the sunrise you were seeing at that very moment (assuming you were awake and noticing the sunrise). Half a world apart, and yet we were connected.
Getting home has been pretty anti-climactic. The best part was arriving and seeing you and your parents! How wonderful to see you in person and hear your voice. Sorry that since then I have been unconscious. Nine weeks of sleep deprivation has a way of catching up on a person. The fog is beginning to lift, however, so maybe we can have some quality time soon. It's just nice to know that you are only a room away for now instead of a world away.
I am excited about seeing my friends again. I have stories to share, but their lives have been full and sweet, and I want to hear what has been going on with them, too. Lots of catching up. But the truth is that right now, anyway, I miss my friends overseas very much. I feel as if something important was interrupted and now I will never know how that could have ended. Unfinished business is bothersome.
But life moves on, regardless of our decisions. We cannot really plan the future, but we can plan to negotiate the terms!
I love you, and I am glad to be back home with you and all my friends and family. As soon as I wake up, I will emerge from this room and greet the new day that awaits me for the rest of my life.
Love,
Mumma
Traveling from Asia to America is a hassle. My trip involved 20 hours of flight time and 3 planes. I do not know how many security checks occurred: I just lost count somewhere along the way. I do know that every airport involved at least 3 screenings. I think the tactic is to wear the terrorists down so they don't even care anymore about carrying out an attack.
When I was flying out of Narita, we rose above the clouds just enough to see the end of a magnificent sunset. And I realized then that the sunset I was seeing was actually the sunrise you were seeing at that very moment (assuming you were awake and noticing the sunrise). Half a world apart, and yet we were connected.
Getting home has been pretty anti-climactic. The best part was arriving and seeing you and your parents! How wonderful to see you in person and hear your voice. Sorry that since then I have been unconscious. Nine weeks of sleep deprivation has a way of catching up on a person. The fog is beginning to lift, however, so maybe we can have some quality time soon. It's just nice to know that you are only a room away for now instead of a world away.
I am excited about seeing my friends again. I have stories to share, but their lives have been full and sweet, and I want to hear what has been going on with them, too. Lots of catching up. But the truth is that right now, anyway, I miss my friends overseas very much. I feel as if something important was interrupted and now I will never know how that could have ended. Unfinished business is bothersome.
But life moves on, regardless of our decisions. We cannot really plan the future, but we can plan to negotiate the terms!
I love you, and I am glad to be back home with you and all my friends and family. As soon as I wake up, I will emerge from this room and greet the new day that awaits me for the rest of my life.
Love,
Mumma
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Homecoming
Dear Rylan,
As you grow older, you are going to learn a very harsh reality: things don't always work out. One of my favorite lines is from a Robert Burns poem: "The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry." And so my PC plans have gone awry. When I was much younger, this turn of events would have been devastating. But after losing your Papa three years ago, I know that life changes for better or worse in an instant, and there's no way to avoid it. No do-overs in real life.
So I am accepting the disappointment by looking at the good that comes from it: I will be able to return home and see family and friends. I will be able to drink real milk and eat real hamburgers and enjoy pasta that isn't sweet.
Of course, I will be leaving behind a dream of adventure and service. (Of course, I can do both back home.) I will leave friends that I have made during training. (But I will live vicariously through them using Facebook connections.) And I will leave behind my Filipino sister, Tess, and her lovely nieces and nephews. (But I have their phone numbers and address and FB connections, too)
The lesson I want you to really learn from my experience, however, dear Rylan, is not that life changes. It isn't that bad things happen, even when we have the best intentions. It is this: Life is short. Take risks. But take them knowing that nothing ever remains the same. If you are not experiencing highs and lows, then you need to take stock. Life shouldn't be boring. The Orientals believe in yin and yang--life and death, high and low, good and bad. Life is composed of both, and they believe they balance out. As a Christian, I know that it rains on the just and the unjust, but I also believe that at the end of our lives, if we have lived as we should, we will see that in the balance, the good far surpasses any of the bad.
Soon I will be seeing you in person again! That will be a great moment. I have much to tell you and everyone else there. Can't wait to catch up on your life.
Love you bunches,
Mumma
As you grow older, you are going to learn a very harsh reality: things don't always work out. One of my favorite lines is from a Robert Burns poem: "The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry." And so my PC plans have gone awry. When I was much younger, this turn of events would have been devastating. But after losing your Papa three years ago, I know that life changes for better or worse in an instant, and there's no way to avoid it. No do-overs in real life.
So I am accepting the disappointment by looking at the good that comes from it: I will be able to return home and see family and friends. I will be able to drink real milk and eat real hamburgers and enjoy pasta that isn't sweet.
Of course, I will be leaving behind a dream of adventure and service. (Of course, I can do both back home.) I will leave friends that I have made during training. (But I will live vicariously through them using Facebook connections.) And I will leave behind my Filipino sister, Tess, and her lovely nieces and nephews. (But I have their phone numbers and address and FB connections, too)
The lesson I want you to really learn from my experience, however, dear Rylan, is not that life changes. It isn't that bad things happen, even when we have the best intentions. It is this: Life is short. Take risks. But take them knowing that nothing ever remains the same. If you are not experiencing highs and lows, then you need to take stock. Life shouldn't be boring. The Orientals believe in yin and yang--life and death, high and low, good and bad. Life is composed of both, and they believe they balance out. As a Christian, I know that it rains on the just and the unjust, but I also believe that at the end of our lives, if we have lived as we should, we will see that in the balance, the good far surpasses any of the bad.
Soon I will be seeing you in person again! That will be a great moment. I have much to tell you and everyone else there. Can't wait to catch up on your life.
Love you bunches,
Mumma
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